How do I Spend Quality Time with My Teen?

    I guess the best place to get stellar ideas for spending time with a teenager these days is as simple as merely asking them. Brave enough to pose the question? A recent on-line poll designed by the University of Wyoming did exactly that and some of the responses from teenagers might surprise us all for their honesty and simplicity.

    In the end it was all about spending quality time together and maximizing these opportunities to talk, hang out, get to know one another, share and deepen the special bond between them. It could be as simple as any daily activity or routine, talking, working in and around the house, going out for dessert at a favourite restaurant, walks, horseback-rides, outings, games and sporting events, a trip to the video-store or food-court in the local mall… the list goes on. As long as these things were done and shared together, with mutual respect, accessibility, reliability, open-heart-mindedness, unprejudiced and wise attitude, consistency, attentiveness and genuine self-disclosure, truth and honesty it received high unanimous scores.

    During this dramatic metamorphic phase of their life cycle and personal development, teenagers are finding, shaping and refining their own identity and trying to make sense of their inner and outer world and where and how they fit in and relate to it all, amidst a myriad of physical, emotional and psychological changes. The secret for spending time with a teen is finding ways to do so and be involved with your teen and their world … THE SECRET IS… doing so, without intruding and or disregarding their sense of identity, freedom, independence and privacy. Fostering, deepening and sustaining the relationship, while not smothering, overpowering, micro-managing and domineering or prying too much, seem to be the key to making the most of the time you have together.

Food For Thought

Imagine this open invitation as if addressed to you: “come live just one day in the life of a teenager, my life AND walk twenty-four hours (a mile?) in my shoes … and THEN we’ll talk!” Would you accept the challenge? Most of us would jump at the chance to be a fly on the wall and “hover”, learn, see, observe – what are the youngsters up to these days? Stick around – you might learn more than you bargain for spending time with a teen.

Sometimes it is extremely hard amidst packed schedules and conflicting priorities, multi-tasking and running errands as we attend to our daily lives to lose sight of the extreme importance of connecting and spending time with a teenager. It is tough to find the time to be sure, BUT the importance of making time for them can not be over-emphasized. In more than half of modern-day households both parents work full-time, with the average workweek in North America between 41-47 hours.
Be aware of the influences, activity and trends from the world of the teenager, take a keen interest in their activities, hobbies, likes and dislikes, let them know you care and that you understand what they deal with day to day.
Later try and find an opportunity to discuss the experiences you shared together – it is still all about making connections.
Support Activities, listening, attending extracurricular activities (games, concerts, etc.), hosting parties and getting to know friends
Shared activities, assistance with homework, playing sports, fishing, camping
discussing TV or books
And most of all: Take the time to spend with a teen to encourage, support, coach and develop talents, be sensitive and notice problems and needs, show respect and care.

The more you have in common, the more likely teens will take some of their time to talk and share their feelings, thoughts, doubts and issues/problems openly with you – a very rewarding return of investment for spending quality time with a teen.

Resources For Parenting Troubled Teens

Resource Catalog

- Resource Catalog with Information on Schools and Programs for Troubled Teens.