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Stepfamilies With Teens – Setting Yourself Up For Success
Stepfamilies, instant, blended and/or extended is a present-day undeniable reality. The prevalence of these phenomena sometimes lets us forget that stepfamilies are inherently different from nuclear families. With infrequent family time, values clashes, loyalty conflicts, and teens pushing for independence, life in some of these stepfamilies with teenagers can be a ticking time-bomb, emotionally charged and difficult – just waiting for someone to step on it or set it off. Some of the challenges facing stepfamilies with teens are: skepticism and unwillingness to trust, teens viewing the step-parent as an intruder or threat, step-parenting and defining roles and responsibilities for step-parents, and the implication that has for setting parameters within the family unit and home, discipline, enforcing rules, defining rights and privileges, justifying presence and opinion, mutual acceptance, respect and trust – that all takes time and are in-flux, in the making and being established, setting ground rules and guidelines for acceptable behaviour different from what the teens were used to before, conflicting or interfering value-systems from other household, sharing parenting with another party/other parent if still involved in some way, shape or form in the lives of your teens outside the confines of your household walls. The secret and key for stepfamilies with teens, seem to be awareness and anticipation of potential problems, issues, emphatic responsiveness, respect for space and privacy, consistency and fairness to all parties treated equally, hands-on parental unison, involvement and presenting a united front when it comes to resolving any discord, providing continuity, emotional security and a soft place to land despite all the emotional turmoil and change of brining together, managing and sustaining a blended stepfamily with teenagers. The advice from experts seem to be slow and steady introductions, easing the “blending” process along, not forcing it, minimizing conflict and problematic confrontational situations and By giving your teen space (which may mean many months in some cases) to develop a relationship at their own pace, the end result will be greater acceptance, less fighting and ultimately a much better chance at a tranquil stepfamily life. |
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