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Teen Run-Away(s): A prevention Strategy
Runaway teens, seemingly unmanageable, desperate,
desolate, lonely AND alone… they run, in one of two directions:
(i) away from something, someone, a bad situation,
perceived threat, disciplined unloving and/or abusive, or in more
complex cases of troubled teen run-aways a loving home environment
where there are for them, in their minds no real future; or maybe
in the other direction
(ii) towards something, the unknown, safety, a life
where they can live according to their own rules, not answering to
anyone else, where they can be independent, make the rules, be their
own boss, independence and freedom to do as they please and answer to
no-one… the list could go on and on hypothetically speaking.
You would just have to speak to the various runaway
teens, far away from the warmth of their homes and beds, living on the
streets, a risky choice, but sometimes the only choice, in their minds
or realistically speaking depending on each unique individual story and
situation.
Early warning signs might sometimes be helpful to parents in assessing the risks of a teen run-away:
- Attempts to communicate result in
arguments, raised voices, interruptions, name calling, hurt feelings
and failure to reach an acceptable agreement.
- The child has a network of friends
who are largely unsupervised, oppositional, defiant, involved with
drugs and other antisocial behaviors.
- An increasing pattern of
impulsive, irrational and emotionally abusive behavior by either the
parent(s) or teenager.
Dr. Conner, a respected, licensed
psychologist practicing clinical, medical and family psychology in
Oregon, USA, notes a couple of suggested steps to take to reduce
the risk of a teen run-away and focusing on supportive communication as
part of an overall teen prevention strategy:
- Keep the conversation flowing and
positive - Never dare your child to run away because you think they may
not, use sarcasm, name-calling, labeling, a negative attitude
that demonstrates lack of respect
- Never raise your voice or yell -
especially when your teenager is raising their voice or yelling.
Stay calm, quiet, make eye contact, and don't respond if your child is
angry, shouting or in a rage. Wait until they are calm.
- Never interrupt your teenager when
they are talking or trying to explain something - even if you disagree.
Wait until they are done. Remind yourself that simply listening and
telling your child that you understand does not mean you will agree
when they are finished, nor does it mean you will do what they seem to
want.
- Communicate understanding - Tell
your teenager that you understand what they are saying or "I'm not sure
I understand, ...tell me again." When you don't agree and you are
certain that you understand your teenager's point of view (and your
teenager believes you understand) tell your teenager. "I think I
understand, but I don't agree with you. I want to think we can
understand each other, but we don't have to agree. Never explain
yourself or argue if your child expects you to justify the fact that
you do not agree, ask "Is there anything else you want to tell me."
- If you get overwhelmed or upset, tell
your child "I'm overwhelmed and a little upset. I need a break and a
chance to calm down and think about this." Then tell them you want a 20
minute (or so) break and then you will talk to them again. Be sure to
take a break.
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Resources For Parenting Troubled Teens
Resource Catalog
- Resource Catalog with Information on Schools and Programs for Troubled Teens.
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